Ever have one of those days where you just don’t feel like you can do anything right?
I’ve had a lot of those days lately, as I’ve still been unable to land a job in the UK, after nine weeks of living here. I never thought I’d be unemployed this long. I’m a little fish in a big, huge, gigantic, massive pond.
I just had another rejection, saying my writing was “ok”, my salary expectations were too high, and that my having just moved to London were all factors in why I didn’t get the job. I didn’t even want the job, but tears sprung to my eyes anyway as soon as I hung up the phone.
Ever since I lost my job at the CBC a few years ago, I’ve experienced a lot of doubt in my abilities. I didn’t love news, but it was the first time I’d ever felt not good enough. I was always someone with a fair amount of confidence until then.
Then, I went to work for the military, and my bosses were incredible. They said nothing but great things about my work and really lifted me up. However, as what happens to most people feeling the effects of low self-esteem, I only remember the negative and the positive doesn’t stay as high in my brain.
I feel like I’m no help to my husband, who has to work long hours to support both of us. I feel completely useless. I also hesitate to tell him how often I feel this way, because he’s miserable at his work, and I feel like it’s my job to lift him up at the end of the day, not bring him down further.
I just read an article on things you can do to boost your self-esteem, and one suggestion was work. Sigh.
Maybe I should go back to school? I got into a few Communications Master’s programs in London last year, but I couldn’t afford the international tuition. But I have no idea what I’d take, aside from something having to do with communications or marketing. But I do already have two degrees, and I’m not sure how much a third would help. I do intend to take a three-hour online course in basic HTML later this week, mainly I thought I could improve this blog, but that I could also use it in my career. I guess that’s something?
Thankfully, this bout of low self-esteem is only related to work. I know I’m fairly bright, my husband finds me beautiful, I’m loving, I have a lot of friends and family who care about me, I’m curious about life and like to laugh. I know people have it much worse than I do, that their self-confidence, or lack of it, trickles into every facet of their lives.
I know that really, I’m feeling sorry for myself, and frustrated that I can’t seem to change my situation, and feeling crippled enough by it I can’t see my way out of it, but I do hope it’s temporary. Because having moved to a new country and finally living with my wonderful partner, it should be the happiest, most exciting time in my life, shouldn’t it?
Here’s a blog post from Greatist.com about what to do when life doesn’t go your way that came up in my Facebook newsfeed, that makes me think it was placed there just for me right now!
To stop feeling so sorry for myself, I’ve just reached out to see if I can volunteer somewhere for people facing literacy issues. It’s not a job, but I felt good when I did tutored before, and I want to feel like I’m helping somehow, I need to feel some purpose in my life again. I’m also getting back into the job search and following up with job applications.
How do you make yourself get over the hump of a less-than-stellar self-esteem day (or week, or month)? I’d love to know.